Booty Call or LOVE?

LOVE vs LUST

A booty call is like ordering fast food - it's quick, easy, and satisfies a temporary craving. It's like a microwave meal, satisfying in the moment but ultimately unsatisfying in the long run. Love, on the other hand, is like a gourmet meal cooked with love and care. It takes time and effort to prepare, but the end result is something truly special and fulfilling.

Hey gorgeous ladies, let’s talk about something that's been on all of our minds at some point in time - the dreaded "booty call." You know the drill, he calls or texts you late at night, you go over to his place, and the next morning you're out the door without any further interaction. But here's the thing, some women think that this is the way to get the guy emotionally attached, but it's not. Trust me, some of the best "pure sex" does not lead to love, and some of the "least inventive" sex can lead to deep emotional attachment. It's all a matter of the heart.

I hear from my readers daily who want to know if they should continue having sex with their ex while trying to get a commitment out of him. Let me be real with you, if a guy has a willing sex partner who requires nothing more from him than a hookup, he'll take you up on that offer as frequently as he desires. If that's not what you're looking for, you'll have to decide if you want to continue being his friend with benefits. I know women enjoy the benefits as much as men, but if you're using sex as a way to get a commitment, you may want to rethink that decision.

Let me tell you a little story. I didn't see my love for an entire year after our four-year relationship crashed and burned. Why did we break up? Well, I think his freedom was too much of a priority, and he admitted it. I wasn't willing to be tossed aside only to get together occasionally for a sexual hook-up. Not for me, sorry. So we didn't talk for an entire year! No texts, no emails, no contact. I did, however, use my "secret technique" on him during that time to ensure that he didn't forget about me. Nothing wrong with some specific, directed thoughts that I knew he would receive. He proposed three weeks after we saw each other again!

Moral of the story? Don't settle for less than you deserve. If you break up, and he states clearly that he wants to continue with the "booty call" but nothing else, see it for what it is and break it off if you want more. There is nothing worse for your self-esteem than constant rejection and hoping for commitment. It is easier and healthier for you to be upfront with him and state what it is you need and desire. Hear what he has to say to you about your needs and don't filter it and only hear what you want to hear. If he says "I don't want a relationship," don't make excuses for him and turn that into "he loves me too much and is afraid." No! Take it as "I don't want a relationship....(maybe with you)." Yes, it hurts! But it's better to move on and find someone that does want a relationship with you.

Let's be real, most women can relate to the "booty call" boyfriend, and it leaves a very empty, vacant, low self-esteem feeling that can easily be recounted years later. However, we've all experienced the empowerment of not accepting less than we desire in our life, too. Is there anything better than taking back the control and moving on if that's what is necessary? Men, or people in general, will only respect you as much as you respect and honor yourself. Playing games isn't going to get you a strong, lasting relationship. Be honest, sincere and decide your course of action with your eyes wide open. "Booty Call" or significant other — you get to make that decision.

DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN

dating tips that work

Dating rules are like traffic laws - they're meant to keep things moving smoothly, but everyone breaks them anyway. They are like a game of Whac-A-Mole - just when you think you've got them all figured out, a new one pops up and throws you off your game.

First of all there are no hard and fast rules in love and romance. However, there are certain outcomes that are highly probable when considering the courtship and mating behavioral patterns of the average man. We all know that most men are perfectly okay with having sex ASAP and most women like to wait to be intimate even if they desire sex right away. While it is possible to have a long lasting relationship with a man after having sex too early (like on a first date) -- it is highly improbable. Why?

Because women are the gatekeepers of sexual pleasure, men subconsciously appraise a woman’s long-term value based on the effort required to “mate” with her. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment, which compels them to choose a long-term partner based on the quality of her fertility and her perceived fidelity. So having sex with a man too early will make him evaluate you as being a potentially high-risk partner because he’ll be led to believe that if it was easy for him to get you into bed it will probably be easy for the next guy as well.

Although guys may try to convince you that granting them uncommitted sex won’t change how they feel about you, don’t be misled. It will most definitely change the way they view you, interact with you and even consider a lifetime commitment to you. They’re basing such conclusions on how they feel about you at the moment, and usually in the heat of the moment. Once the sex happens, however, his passion cools and his lucidity returns, which means he’s now thinking WAY more clearly. So after having sex with you he might realize that he wasn’t that interested in you to begin with, or that there’s just something about you that makes you an incompatible long-term partner. As one of my readers told me her partner said after having sex too early: "I think YOU got too attached after sex and for me it was just pleasurable". OUCH!

Waiting for a commitment before having sex will immediately weed out at least ninety-percent of guys that might have wasted your time. In fact, putting a high price on your sexual pleasures (i.e. – waiting months) will not only help you to weed out a high percentage of Mr. Wrongs, but it also makes you ridiculously more attractive to high-quality, marriage-minded men – the ones who will respect your boundaries and cherish your dignity the most.

Psychologist and author, David M. Buss’ research on strategies of human mating confirms that whenever a man begins courting a woman he’s running two different mating strategies at once. One strategy is to secure short-term pleasure as quickly as possible so that he can propagate his genes while the other is to test a woman to see if she’s a good candidate for long-term love and companionship.

Because these two mating strategies are operating at the same time, having sex too early and without a commitment will compel a man to place you in the “short-term” category. Even if he REALLY likes you, his primal mating programming will subconsciously warn him that the ease of sexual conquest is a sign of weakness regarding your fidelity and you will be red-flagged.

Of course, there are no hard and fast rules in love and romance. And whether he’s getting the sex or not, a man might still pull away and lose interest in you for a myriad of other reasons totally unrelated to sex. But the fact still remains: You’re more likely to keep a guy interested in a serious relationship with you if you appeal to the long-term mating strategy that’s running in his subconscious if you're looking for commitment and lasting love.