dating tips that work
Dating rules are like traffic laws - they're meant to keep things moving smoothly, but everyone breaks them anyway. They are like a game of Whac-A-Mole - just when you think you've got them all figured out, a new one pops up and throws you off your game.
First of all there are no hard and fast rules in love and romance. However, there are certain outcomes that are highly probable when considering the courtship and mating behavioral patterns of the average man. We all know that most men are perfectly okay with having sex ASAP and most women like to wait to be intimate even if they desire sex right away. While it is possible to have a long lasting relationship with a man after having sex too early (like on a first date) -- it is highly improbable. Why?
Because women are the gatekeepers of sexual pleasure, men subconsciously appraise a woman’s long-term value based on the effort required to “mate” with her. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment, which compels them to choose a long-term partner based on the quality of her fertility and her perceived fidelity. So having sex with a man too early will make him evaluate you as being a potentially high-risk partner because he’ll be led to believe that if it was easy for him to get you into bed it will probably be easy for the next guy as well.
Although guys may try to convince you that granting them uncommitted sex won’t change how they feel about you, don’t be misled. It will most definitely change the way they view you, interact with you and even consider a lifetime commitment to you. They’re basing such conclusions on how they feel about you at the moment, and usually in the heat of the moment. Once the sex happens, however, his passion cools and his lucidity returns, which means he’s now thinking WAY more clearly. So after having sex with you he might realize that he wasn’t that interested in you to begin with, or that there’s just something about you that makes you an incompatible long-term partner. As one of my readers told me her partner said after having sex too early: "I think YOU got too attached after sex and for me it was just pleasurable". OUCH!
Waiting for a commitment before having sex will immediately weed out at least ninety-percent of guys that might have wasted your time. In fact, putting a high price on your sexual pleasures (i.e. – waiting months) will not only help you to weed out a high percentage of Mr. Wrongs, but it also makes you ridiculously more attractive to high-quality, marriage-minded men – the ones who will respect your boundaries and cherish your dignity the most.
Psychologist and author, David M. Buss’ research on strategies of human mating confirms that whenever a man begins courting a woman he’s running two different mating strategies at once. One strategy is to secure short-term pleasure as quickly as possible so that he can propagate his genes while the other is to test a woman to see if she’s a good candidate for long-term love and companionship.
Because these two mating strategies are operating at the same time, having sex too early and without a commitment will compel a man to place you in the “short-term” category. Even if he REALLY likes you, his primal mating programming will subconsciously warn him that the ease of sexual conquest is a sign of weakness regarding your fidelity and you will be red-flagged.
Of course, there are no hard and fast rules in love and romance. And whether he’s getting the sex or not, a man might still pull away and lose interest in you for a myriad of other reasons totally unrelated to sex. But the fact still remains: You’re more likely to keep a guy interested in a serious relationship with you if you appeal to the long-term mating strategy that’s running in his subconscious if you're looking for commitment and lasting love.